Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
