Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
