Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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