I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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