He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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