you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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