I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
