I wish I could teleport
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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