and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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