DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
