i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
