i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
