Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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