I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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