why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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