he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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