i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
