They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize