birth control should be required to get into college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
