I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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