We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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