I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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