My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
