he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
