Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize