If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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