I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
