they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
