My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
