Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
