i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
