Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Alive.
So much puke
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
