this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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