last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize