She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize