I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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