it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and she was petting her beer can
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
