Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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