he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
