Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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