Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
