I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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