She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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