1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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