Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
