Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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