8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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