The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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