I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
