I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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