So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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