i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
