this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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