If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
