I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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