Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
