Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
