Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
