idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
