Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
