Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
