its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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