While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
