Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
