I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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