i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
