I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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