Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
